I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
