come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
