I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
