dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I need to align my fucking chakras
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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