Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
