lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
