They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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