I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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