dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need moral support for this bender
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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