Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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