she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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