i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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