I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
