do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
