your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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