i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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