Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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