eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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