1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
