there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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