I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
