A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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