I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
