That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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