I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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