Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
