Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
