when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
