we're blogging at a bar
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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