I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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