who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
