she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
