Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
