i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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