It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
