I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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