he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He shit in the fireplace
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
