Whod you bang
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He did a backflip because drugs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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