Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
