I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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