I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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