The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
