Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
