Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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