Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
