booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
