I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
