I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
