Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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