did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
