sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm too high and old for this...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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