If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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